Last weekend was memorial day and what a great weekend we had here in NJ. The weather bordered on too warm but stayed comfortable. On Saturday I took my little girl Suzie Q to the shore where she spent Saturday and Sunday frolicking in the sun and sand with my cousin's two dogs Velvet and Lilly. Although she was scared she loved the deck and smells and loved spending time with her favorite dude in the world me.
So Monday rolls in and I am up early. Grab some coffee and taking pictures around Jersey City and Newark with my little girl Suzie Q. She is riding shotgun and sniffing air. I head on into Hoboken NJ. Since my friend CK lives is Hoboken, I send her a text message since it is quite early and it says, if you are up call me. She returns the call 40 mins later and I say to her "Do you want to grab some breakfast in Hobo but it has to be outside since I have the dog. There was a pause...It should have tipped me off to what was about to go down, but hey I was charged and I thought it would be a really metrosexual thing to do.
CK hit me with the first set of rules...She needed time since she was going to go and sit down by the water front in the park across from the big city. She needed to wear her bathing suit, she needed to dye her hair, she needed to pack her books, shower, pay some bills, run for condo board President, write a paper for a student at Stevens on the molecular structure of a Gnat, paint her nails, and find a new gluten Free market since the manager of the old store looks at her funny. I said fine, I will hang in Hoboken until you are ready. Fine.
Hours pass and she is finally ready to go out for brunch. We pull up to meet her and she sees Suzie Q in the front seat and rolls her eyes. She is a little peeved that the dog is riding shot gun and not her. The ghetto side of my dog likes to roll up on dubs to impress in Hobo. Its all about who you are and who you are with according to her. CK is relegated to the back seat where she eventually sits after unloading close to 300 lbs of material that she will need during this day.
I told her we would cruise the main strip in search of a great place that will allow the dogs. I heard her mutter something under her breath but I chose to ignore it. Instead of the main strip, CK wanted to go near some park near the Hoboken dump since she needed to be near that area after her canine brunch was done. After driving around and wasting perhaps 80 dollars of gas (my carbon number shot up after this brunch), we found the park near the dump and parked. We exited the car and began our walk to the cafe.
Accidentally, I dropped the leash that Suzie was on because I was trying to carry the 300 lbs of gear that CK brought with her. She shrieked seeing this, claiming that the dog wet weighed less than 10 lbs and yet it was controlling me. I bit my tongue and walked over to a nice little cafe appropriately named the Dump Park Cafe.
We ordered omelets. I had a mushroom one and hers strayed from the menu a bit. Her eggs had to be organic and only non fertile eggs. The eggs had to be cracked into the bowl on a 36 degree angle and the cook must be pointing north to acknowledge the good witch before they can be placed on the grill. Her eggs had to be a placed on a plate that had been washed three times and patted dry with an Oasha safe allergenic free wipe. Needless to say we did not get our eggs until almost 5pm that night.
During the wait for our eggs, CK made repeated barbs and off colored comments about Suzie even though the majority of people that walked by sat down to stroke her and me for being such a great soul that could raise a perfect dog like Suzie. I turned to CK to smile that many people did not agree with her poisonous comments, but Suzie began barking so loud. As I was trying to get her under control, I looked back and I noticed that CK was stabbing Suzie with a fork in the rears. I was so outraged that I did not even address this act with her but quickly asked for the check so I could leave before nightfall.
The check came and our meal was over. I asked CK if she wanted a ride to the water front with her gear so she could watch the stars in the sky since dusk was falling fast. She said no. Just then an 80 year old woman was passing by. CK grabbed her and shook her and told her the following: "Look old woman, you sit here why I load you up with my gear and if I hear one peep from you as we walk to the waterfront I will jump on you and beat you back until you see FDR" The woman did not put up a fight and began her new role as a CK Hoboken pack mule.
I love CK but sometimes she is a bit too much to handle. But she does do things her way, as long as that way is gluten free and organic. We spoke about that incident once. I expressed my concerns, but she told me to go fuck myself and my gay dog Suzie.
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