Ice Wars

Tonight, after weeks worth of advertising was the ultimate battle, the world vs the US. Now I was making dinner and did not turn around right away to see the visuals, but in my mind there was images of soldiers fighting terrorism, smoking out the Taliban, civilians standing up against communism, and cats and dogs ripping ears off of each other and as the music boomed and the pyrotechnic flares shot out and when all came to settle what I saw shocked me. Scott Hamilton in a top hat, ascot, and tails fladditing around a hockey rink with the boards taken down. Cut to the last shot in the promo, he lifts his hat and tilts his head and winks to the camera.....sound bite " ICE WARS-US VS the World.. Wow, was I scared? I do not think so. I felt the urge to go out and find me the best pair of Ken Cole fusion dress shoes in black with a four hole eyelet. Complete with 32 CM laces.

Anyway, I did not give that much thought to it. I mean do not get me wrong, I do not hate figure skating. I was around ice rinks since a child and I actually love the concept of all nations of the world resolving all conflicts with an international skate off like the Jets and Sharks, rather than billions in weapons and millions of lost lives. But something bothered me. This was not a war. Here are my reasons why this was not a war.

1. In war, the combatants wear camouflage to become stealth like and surprise the enemy. In Ice Wars, the combatants wore bright colored spandex with Lycra bunting around their wastes and they were followed by a spotlight. I have never fought in a war or ever want to but, if I had to I certainly do not want a spotlight on me for the enemy to snipe at me and I certainly do not want to be found dead in a spandex outfit with glitter and bunting.
2. In war triage centers are set up to help the wounded as they come back from battle. The Doctors in these mobile medical centers encounter perhaps some of the most complex injuries known to man in this age of technology. In ice wars, the "sports therapists" are on hand to deal with an array of bruises, muscle strains, sprains, and minor cuts. In war Doctors may need to amputate mutilated arms and legs as a result of war trauma. In Ice Wars they may need to apply ice packs and band aids.
3. In war, the winner is declared as the person or side that has control of the war zone after the shooting has stopped. The dead are bagged and tagged and sent to air bases in Germany before final arrival at home. In Ice Wars, the soldiers sit together and hold hand with each other as number pop up on the screen. A judge calls out a winner and both hug and cry.