Brunch with CK in Hoboken and a Strange Statement

Since Xmas fell on a Sunday most companies observed Monday the 26th as the official day when Jesus was born into the barn in the holy city of Bethlehem. Now since the romantic stories about the birth have been passed through time we now know that Mary did not wear a vibrant blue robe but rather a robe made from a brown burlap material. Joe was probably not around for the birth since Jewish law at the time did not allow it and there was probably a team of three Jewish mid wives to help her have the holy baby. He may have passed out a few Cubans if that side of the world was engaged in trade with the mideast.

But back to CK. So JM and I go to Hoboken to pick CK up. She waited outside her building for a tad more minutes that she was probably expecting since JM, despite me having a navigation system telling him he was wrong, insisted that he knew how to get to her house quick. It was not until we almost drove into the Hudson River that he let go the dream of telling me how to get to her place in Hoboken.

Once in the car we drove the length of Hoboken a few times since no one wanted to make a call on where to have lunch. I had to make the call and picked a place where if by the off chance Artie Lange happen to be out and about, we would see him and I could tell him how funny he is. He is on the Howard Stern show and I love his humor. But lets get back to the elephant in the room or the car as the case was.

We picked CK up and she had with her what she called a non Xmas gift, but rather a thank you gift for all that I have done for her or so she says. Now CK and I do not exchange gifts because for some reason I actually always thought she was Jewish even though she is not. She is what they call a Chixa (sp). Hard to exchange an Xmas gift with a Chanuka gift. Like comparing apples and oranges. One comes from a jolly old bearded man with magic deer flying in the sky, celebrating the birth of a baby that was born to rule the world, and the other a bunch of people in a cave huddling next to oil hoping to stay warm while escaping persecution. Like I said oil and water.

So hind sight being 20/20 I now know the gift. A fine aged Glenkinchie scotch from the low lands of Scotland. A rather well thought out gift or non gift as she calls it but well thought out. The package is also perfectly wrapped in a classic pale gold color wrap that does not scream holiday but rather arrival. It says I am here. Kind of like Dan Akroyd in trading spaces before he was out on skid row.

Now by now most of you that are reading this are saying what a great person.... Here is the story twist. The man gift has been placed in a pink victoria secret gift bag. However, one does not know that it is a man gift at this point. So as CK gets into the car which is a man car and sits in the man seat within this man car and as I sit next to a man friend in his man seat next to me, she squeaks out... I have a gift for you here, raises it sheepishly so I can see it in the review mirror for a nano second and then places it in an empty man seat in my man truck next to her in a man seat.

I did not think much about it during our meal. We ate, laughed, and talked about the holidays. Actually CK was obsessed with reading the NY Post. Apparently JM and my conversation was not up to par for the night. We left the establishment, looked around for Artie and then hopped back into the car. It was then we were faced with the elephant in the man car. It was not long after we drove off that we were back at CK's place in Hoboken with the view of the Empire State. She made out with JM in the front seat as they said goodbye. The noise they were making was like that when you get to the end of the slurpee and you are sucking it up with a straw. She then reminded me that my non gift was on the back man seat in a girl bag. We parted. Now my mind was all consumed by the pink VS bag. Why would CK give me a gift in public in front of friends in a pink VS bag. To this day the thought confuses me.

Did she think I was gay? If so why give me scotch.

Did she think I was a gay Scotsman?? I think she knows I am Irish.

Did she think I was a gay Irishman? If so why not give me the new VS thong?? If I were gay I would have loved something like that.

Did she think that I was gay but could not find a man and so she gave me scotch so I could ply my date with liquor so he would be intimate with me??? If so, why not just give me the thong?? We both would have loved that...I think...

Maybe she thinks the rig is too much man and wanted to make it more woman.

Maybe she wanted me to think that she bought something for herself from VS and I was supposed to drink the scotch and show up late at her place that night..She would be waiting at the top of stairs. I would look up the 18 flights to her apt and see her in my thong with a teddy. She shouts (she is up 18 flights) you're no Elihondo (her bf from Brazil) but for tonight just speak to me in Spanish, treat me bad, and call me tu mamacita.

If she said that I would have replied.

Si usted me piensa que usted va a tratarme eso gravemente y lo tomaría y acaba de es su juguete del amor, entonces usted piensa mejor otra vez. La tendría entonces preguntado si ella validara el estacionamiento y me habría ido.

I would have hoped she would have said something like, what took you so long sailor?? Whatever the case for her using that bag CK will take to the grave most likely. She may claim that it was innocent, the only thing she had etc but we all know the truth. CK is a cruel woman from Hoboken