Red Carpet 6:00 PM.
It starts out with an interview with Usher. Is he going to do the gay thing again and bring his mom so the crowd sighs. Now The Game arrives in a low rider with 24's. 75 Caprice Convertible. Suchin Pak is sitting with the old fart Kurt Loader. Or as we like to call him, Kurt the Load. Give him the lifetime achievement award for being a load and send him away.
Lil Bow is saying anything can happen. Sway is dressed like a rasta man again even though he is a rasta wanna be. Green Day arriving early in a beat up suped up car. Sway kissing the ass of Green Day..Oh Sway just called them his home boys.
A nod to Madonna for her not being there since she fell off her horse. But they are going to run an advertisement for her new DVD. Love how this is commercials between the commercials. Its great we get to see a 65 year old Madonna in her undies. I hope when she hits 90 she does a record and video with her in depends. That would be bananas.
My chemical Romance came in a brinks truck..SO stupid. No one even knows who they are. Pulling out the old west coast east coast joke. Preview of their next vid, another placement. Wow, just like green day they are going to a video about war.. Copy Cats. And they are decked out with their suits and converse sneakers.. They have the MTV handbook on who to be without being. Back to John Norris with Lil John on the boat. Yeah. Lil John shout out to Tommy Hilfigger (sp). One guy jumping in and announcing the record and when its gonna drop. One of his dudes just keeps making a buzzard sound. Video on what it is like to be from Houston Texas. Mike Jones and his posse from Texas doing the first performance. There is music but no band. Gotta love music today and mystery of the invisible instruments. Just a blah performance. No wonder we have not heard of the Houston sound. Its rap is boring, non melodic, and dragging. They sound like a retarded Fat Joe. See you in ATL baby.
I like how MTV really helps out their dumb viewers by keeping a clock letting them now exactly how many minutes until the VMA. It starts at 8pm for the ones who dont need it.
Kelly Clarkson on the boat. She looks bad with her hair up. Her hair is a bad blonde and the dress does not work with her small breasts. They should probably hit her up with a little ice before her interviews. Hard nipples could save the look.
Back to sway dressed like a Bob Marley Buffalo Soldier. Here he is with Kanye. Walking in with John Legend. Lotta guys brining other guys in with them. Quick Ad for Late registration his next album. Cut to Kurt Loader with Black Eyed Peas and Alicia Keyes. Kurt looks a little befuddled. He may have had a slight stroke during the last commercial break. Ask them about their break up. Talk about the Pink Elephant. ALicia looks good. She is talking about her upcoming movie and now they are showing her unplugged clip. Problem is that she has electric key boards and electric guitars. Is that really unplugged?? I ask you Please.
Ricky Martin arrives. John Norris's outfit is stupid. They are advertising his next album with Amerie and Fat Joe. That is not going to be a hit. Back to Suchin. Ciarra and Bow Wow. Ciarra looks different. Too made up. Ciarra and Bow Wow are dating and she has a rock on her finger. Bow Wow s pissed since she put her in heals and Bow Wow is puppy size. Nelly arriving in his whip. 72 Chevy on 24's. Nelly cursed and he was reprimanded by Sway but hell its cable. I know the word shit. Nelly advice to the new peeps, just bring it. Cut to the Killers and Loader. Boy they are really asking the hard questions. So how has your year been.
Rhianna is singing from her album but she is really just up there to dance for the folks. It is color by number but it has the crowd going. Now cut to Jessica Alba who is saying it is hot. Paris and Nickie Hilton are there. Being interviewed by Suchin. Her interview skills are so bad they should call her Suckin. Lil Kim hoppin out. Ask her about her jail time upcoming. Nope not Sway, just asking her about upcoming album
Here comes in Snoop Dogg. Double Gizzle. Gwen is coming in now and she has nothing to say. Wearing animal skin dress and hair up which if you read all my other reviews does not look good on her. Oh look it is Ashley Simpson who looks so foul.. She brought her band. Yes we all know how good that bqand is. Lets schlep for the record. Her hair is up which really shows what a big nose she has. Ludacris is arriving with LV grill 75 Pontiac.
The load interviewing JZ. He keeps asking the same question to him. Now Jamie Fox is with Norris. I wonder if Jamie is going to be Ray tonight. Now there is an ad for Jamie Foxx's new record. Now Suchin is doing the part of the MTV hand book where they sign something for charity. Load is talking to a hot sista who said Kanye was the best dressed.. Jamie with Quincy now. Lame
Fall Out Boyz.. Ok doing the punk thing where they are all jumping around. At least they are singing and playing their own music.
50 Cent with Mob Deep and Mase. I really think Mase is retarded. He does nothing but repeat the same thing over and over.
Destiny's child is in the house. Michelle is in blue and does not look great. Kelly and Beyonce look great.
It is now 8PM and it is time for the show to start.
Green Day opens up with I walk alone which was pretty predictable. They are playing live which is good. Some mic problems but sounds pretty good. Lacking a little energy like they have sung it a billion times. The crowd is into it though. Blue stage and falmes getting the people crazy.. We have Kiss to thank for that. Fireworks too. Best performance so far from the preshow to now.
The host is Diddy, please no P. He is sitting with some hotties and now he is jumping into the pool and swimming to the show. Insert joke here. Computers are asking us to follow his instructions and now it goes black and here is he coming out of the bottom. Coming up to relax dont do it. He is shaking around in a Diddy way. Him and Kanye look the same now. Could they be the same people? More flames and now black again. Lights up chicks shaking and coming down from thede Diddy. As we proceed.... Bros like Diddy dressed like Diddy are dancing around the D meister. Nelly and Lindsay are coming to give the first award.
Ciarra and Missy to introduce Luda and Little Valentine to singing pimping all over the world. They have the soundtrack behind them and they are rapping it but they are talking all over each other. Sounds bad. Piano is a little too loud along with the special effect songs. Now into Rhianna's dancers doing a West Indies thing. Steel drums and Carnival outfits with hot little sistas in chearleader outfits. Luda's rap is so all over the place you do not even recognize the song. Not a great performance. Green day got about an 8.5 and they are the best, I give that about a 6.
Now to the Diddy at 8:27 PM asking people to not curse etc, but then he curses. Cut to a little boy sitting next to Usher. Diddy just gave away a Jacob watch. Probably staged. Now to henchmen come out showing 100 K who are going to get the money to give to a charity.
Orlando Bloom and Kirstin Dunst to give out the next award. Best rock video see my picks below. I picked Foo but I also pt Green Day down cause they are going to win. The Foo should win. And the winner is...... Green Day what a shocker. What will they say. Thanking the record company and rock but no message this time.
Coming back from commercial and its the Grandmaster Flash. Diddy is being interrupted by a chick in the crowd but it is all planned. Now Omarion is up there dancing. Now some chicks are doing it. Now a hype man is up there and Destiny's child look confused as to what is going on..How is that a surprise. MC Hammer is now being introduced. The black eyed P dude is going nuts like a retard. I cant tell which one is hammer though.
Jessica and Ashley presenting. Jessica is dressed like a slut. See my pick below. It should be Ciarra but John Legend is going to win but they don't think about the vid part. Alicia Keyes Karma won. Did not pick that one but I aint mad at it. Good song but the video was not that great. It must be so sad that they have to dress Jessica up like a fool. Typical thanks from Alicia.
Next to Jessica Alba and Dwayne Waye to make the next presentation. I hate these dumb setups..But here comes Shakira. Cut to a big vid screen of her looking hot. She is wearing a bra and cargo pants. What a sexy girl. I cannot tell if they are lip synching. I don't think they are. No they are not and I like they are singing the whole thing in Spanish. She is the perfect mix of talent and beauty. I think some of it was lipped. Out at 8:55
Back at 9PM and now to Usher. He is introducing a dance battle. Which would be good if it were not made up. Now the chic from Black Eyed is standing up. Usher is so full of himself. Best dance video. I picked Ciarra since it was a full dance vid. Missy and Ciarra won. Did not think that one was as great as Ciarra. Missy walks girls around like they are her love toyz.
Eric Roberts is now doing a presentation. Now he is doing an ad for his nephew. R Kelly trapped in the closet something??? I am not sure what this is.. Is it a Rap Opera?? I think I just coined that phrase. Now this is live and he is doing the worst lip synch job and it makes no sense and it has to be the most confusing MTV moment. This is going on forever. I have no idea what that was. That had to be the worst moment that MTV ever had on its agenda.
Back at 9:19 and they are asking us to stay tuned for a great performance by the GAP. Diddy has to be the worst host ever. Diddy just said Damn me and Kanye look the same. I ask that you go up a few paragraphs to see what I said.
Hilary Duff and some guy. Its her BF but Hilary looks gaunt and bad. The Killers live. They are at some hotel in Miami. They are performing live too which is good. I give it and 8.5 with Green Day and Shakira. Lil Kim and Jeremy from Entourage. Very strange script . best rap. This should go to the game and 50. Gave it to Luda. Not sure if I agree with this. Gonna be a shooting tonight. Beavis and Butt Head doing an announcement. To get them back on the air.
Diddy giving shout outs and here comes another Diddy surprise. He turned off all the lights. Now he is directing an Orhestra. Its Big Poppy. Kind of lame and it really is not the Diddy shot.
Johnny Knoxville and Common presenting. Winner of MTV 2 Awards. I picked Akon but its going to My Chemical or Gasolina or Fall Out Boy since they are loved by MTV. Did not see that since MTV has backed the band. Will not hear much from them in a few years. Lots of People he has to thank. Thank MTV.
Fat Joe on stage: Introducing some no name from the PR. Bad song and the crowd is dead. Some other dude got up as well have no idea who he is but now they got Daddy Yankee doing gasolina. That band is a uno hit wonder.
Best Hip Hop Video. I picked Kanye. And the winner is Missy Eliot. Taking all the awards. Someone was yelling fuck that. Missy better get protection. Diddy introducing Pharrell. The band is Cold Play. Piano too loud. Mic not good. Seems flat. Now he ran up the stairs in the audience but I think he is near six the guy that calls Howard and breaks into award shows.
BAck at 10:10 being introduced by D5 to introduce someone. Best Pop VId should go to Kelly Clarkson. Could go to Gwen though. Winner is Kelly Clarkson and the crowd hates it but you have to give her her due. She has had 5 number one hits and she belongs with them. Shame on them for not accepting her.
Alicia and John Legend presenting. Introducing Kanye West and Jaime Foxx. Boy got the ghost of Ray in him. Jaime just wants to take his shirt off.. So with about 30 mins left I have to say it is one of the lamest ones I have seen.
Back at 1024 with the Snoop. Introducing Danny Cook. He is a stand up dude and is yet to make me laugh. Wow that was so lame. Best New Artist in a Vid. Should go to Ciarra..Winner is The Killers..aaaaaaaaaahhhhh
Back to the Didd man. He is giving his 100 k to Gwen and Snoop won. Desperate housewife Eva Longorie with camel toe. She is introducing Mariah Carey singing shake it off. It see like she cannot move from the position she is in. She is singing a bit to the track but lipping most. Now she is singing we belong together. Does not sound that great. Brought to you by Pepsi.
Lil John and some Rubio Chick. Break through Vid I picked Gorrillaz. Winner is the Gorrillaz which no one ever accepts. Black eyed Peas introducing 50 Cent. Shake that Ass Girl. Track in the back and lyrics on the mic. Now 50 is in the middle of a ring of fire. What ever happened to performing. For the last performance it was not that great. 50 said something to fat joe at the end that was bleeped but it went on and on.
Last award. Video of the year. No, they are having Chemical Romance do a song. The images the songs the noise. Not too great. 8 on the scale. His voice sounds horrible. Bow Wow and Paris Hilton. Bow Wow has to be about 5 ft tall. Viewer Choice award. I picked Shakira but its going to be Green Day, and it is.
Jamie Foxx to present and wow another costume change. He is like a chick. Vid of the Year. He is bringing out DC. Green Day won again..Now will he make a statement...Thanking everyone again. To the soldiers lets bring them home safe. Thanking live 8.
Kelly Clarkson closes it out. She is singing her own stuff. She is trying to yell it off. You cannot even hear her over the people shouting. Most electric of the night. Out at 11 23
The ones that I think should win are highlighted in RED.
Video of the Year
Coldplay, "Speed of Sound"
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"
Kanye West, "Jesus Walks"
Snoop Dogg w/Pharrell, "Drop It Like It's Hot"
Best Male Video
50 Cent, "Candy Shop"
Beck, "E-Pro"
John Legend, "Ordinary People"
Kanye West, "Jesus Walks"
Usher, "Caught Up"
Best Female Video
Amerie, "1 Thing"
Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"
Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"
Mariah Carey, "We Belong Together"
Shakira w/Alejandro Sanz, "La Tortura"
Kelly and Kanye won but why are they bringing them up together. Kelly did the humble thing like oh my god I did not expect this and Kanye did the I deserve this. I picked both right. The Shakira vid could have won too. It was a super hot and good video so good it makes the song.
Best Group Video
Black Eyed Peas, "Don't Phunk With My Heart"
Destiny's Child w/T.I & Lil' Wayne, "Soldier"
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
The Killers, "Mr. Brightside"
U2, "Vertigo"
Best Rap Video
Eminem, "Just Lose It"
The Game & 50 Cent, "Hate It or Love It"
Ludacris, "Number One Spot"
T.I., "You Don't Know Me"
Ying Tang Twins, "Wait (The Whisper Song)"
Best R&B Video
Alicia Keys, "Karma"
Ciara w/Ludacris, "Oh"
John Legend, "Ordinary People"
Mariah Carey, "We Belong Together"
Usher w/Alicia Keys, "My Boo"
Best Hip-Hop Video
Common, "Go"
Kanye West, "Jesus Walks"
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control"
Nas w/ Olu Dara, "Bridging the Gap"
Snoop Dogg w/Pharrell, "Drop It Like It's Hot"
Best Dance Video
Ciara, "1, 2 Step"
Destiny's Child, "Lose My Breath"
Jennifer Lopez, "Get Right"
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control"
Shakira w/Alejandro Sanz, "La Tortura"
Best Rock Video
Foo Fighters, "Best of You"
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
The Killers, "Mr. Brightside"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"
Weezer, "Beverly Hills"
Best Pop Video
Ashlee Simpson, "Pieces of Me"
Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"
Jesse McCartney, "Beautiful Soul"
Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"
Lindsay Lohan, "Rumors"
Best New Artist In A Video
Ciara, "1, 2 Step"
The Game, "Dreams"
John Legend, "Ordinary People"
The Killers, "Mr. Brightside"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"
MTV2 Award
Akon w/Styles P, "Locked Up"
The Bravery, "An Honest Mistake"
Daddy Yankee, "Gasolina"
Fall Out Boy, "Sugar, We're Going Down"
Mike Jomes w/Slim Thug & Paul Wall, "Still Tippin'"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"
Breakthrough Video
Eminem, "Mosh"
Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc."
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control"
Sarah McLachlan, "World on Fire"
U2, "Vertigo"
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